I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you’re always right, I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close… not even a little bit… not even at all.
The idea that people had sex before the 20th century really freaks me out. Like George Washington probably got a blow job and that makes me uncomfortable.
My hamster is a mix of several different breeds. As a result he has patches on his body where his hair grows longer than than the rest, and to keep him comfortable we give him regular “haircuts”. But one oddity we never change is the long strand of hair that grows from his forehead. It’s just a single long tuff of fur. All we have to do is give it a little spin and he instantly becomes a fabulous unicorn.